Why am i so fuckin obese?
my chin, thighs and underarms are disgustingly wobbly. my stomach has love handles and it looks freaking pregnant. my skin is stretched over the fat and is so lumpy and rubbery(YUCK!) and i'm short.. i look like a freaking obese dwarf.
i wonder what's wrong with me.. one and a half months ago, my BMI was around 17.8, now it's 19.5(i think). WHAT IS MY PROBLEM??!!!! why the hell did i let myself swell up so damn huge?
you know what?? i
really need to GET BACK ON TRACK. i wonder if i should start with thinspo.. but that seems to have little effect on me at the moment. i think i should start counting calories again and spitting out my food again. that worked the last time.. i hope it does again. i hate hate hate it when people don't understand but they think they do.. that really sucks!! seriously! what the hell??!! one thing about this is that YOU REAALLLY DON'T UNDERSTAND UNTIL YOU GET IT YOURSELF. seriously, some people think that constantly telling you how disgusting an emaciated body(something i do NOT have) looks. like what the hell! do they not know that this is what we want? what is their problem??
some remind u to eat more to be "healthy". i say: fatness is unhappiness. (like me now). basically, they are saying that our happiness is not important as long as we are fat enough to please them.
Anyways. there is this newbie ana in my year in school. and guess what: SHE"S WATCHING ME. ughh.. so stressful. that's another reason to get back on track. we know each other, but we were never really friends. competition.....is really good actually. gives you an incentive. a BIG one, especially if you're like me, a (secretly) very competitive person.
i wonder why i'm freaking out over germs so much nowadays?
