2days

My family suddenly "decided" i wasn't eating and all of them are ganging up against me. WTF?!! i'm eating perfectly normally and i'm obese. great timing guys, like seriously, what's up with that?

9DAYSTOOLEVELS!!

AND I'VE JUST LOST 2POUNDS!

BRING IT ON.

(this exam will affect my WHOLE life path)

Stay strong:)

Which is worse?

1: Writing on your disgusting fat abs "You are nothing. You do not deserve anything or anyone. You do not deserve to waste anyone's time thinking they are obliged to help you with something, or waiting for you or explaining to you something or even think that ANYONE is interested in what you have to say. You are nothing to a burden to everyone and everything. The world would be a better place without you. Do the world a favor and kill yourself. Then maybe God, and yourself, might be able to forgive you for what you are". 

Then slashing at the words madly with a penknife, then later thanking the gods of low self esteem or penknives or whatever the fuck you are for always remembering to bring you back down to earth, for always remembering to remind you that you aren't worth anything, every time you even consider liking yourself one bit. And then after that thanking the real God for penknives and fingerprints.

OR

2: Meaning everything from the bottom of your heart?

I need help i don't want. 

FTW (Fuck the world)

29days to thin

SHIIITTT.

Seriously CANNAWT wait. I'm currently a fat WHALE.

Do not worry, i SWEAR i WILL BE BACK. Trust me. I WILL:)

Broken in a good way

Today was the official last day as a class having normal lessons. It was so painful. This is the one and only class i never had to conform, to pretend, where i've met the best people i've ever met in my life, the most caring, supportive, encouraging awesome teachers.Where EVERYONE accepted everyone just the way they were, no acting involved. And now i'm gonna have to say goodbye to all of that and next year will be another normal year of conforming, peer pressure and pretending to be someone i'm not. Today was the day i realized these friends are the only people in the world i am not scared to let them see me cry.

At the end of the day, one of the people i've recently become really really close to told me "Thank you for being my friend, thank you for being so fun to hang out with and giving me and teaching me so much, I love you, Sarah" (that's my name)

It made me realize how i've never told anyone i love them. How many people i've let walk in and out of my life without ever letting them know how much i love them, how much they mean to me, how i'd give anything to be able to hold on to them when i had to let go. I haven't cried so much in so long. Well if anything, I've made up my mind i'm gonna stop being so afraid to tell someone i love them and thank them for everything they've done to me.

Earlier in the morning, one of my BEST friends told me to write in her autograph book. I had SO much to say to her, and only paper to say them on.. i tried to put most of it in the book, but it'll never be enough. I ended of the "message" with "Thanks for being in my life". But i still feel it's not enough.

How i wish i could find everyone whose ever been close to me, tell them i love them, tell them i really appreciate everything they've done for me, how they've all changed me for the better in their own way and thank them for the role they've played in my life and how i'm a better person because of that.

Ok, i know there's absolutely no thinspo here, what you guys follow me for, but i really hope this post will touch you and hopefully open your eyes to stuff and change your perspective on some things:)

Ps: Thanks for following me and supporting me:)

You have no idea how much i hate the number 98:(

Replies:

@ anna~ and MissChanandlerBong:

Aww thanks, the both of you, but i would REALLY REALLY love a hundred percent.. 

Ps: @MissChanandlerBong: Your name always makes me laugh everytime i see it:D

Can't wait for my results! I'm sure my efforts will pay off!

CW: still 98 stupid pounds:((((((

AHHHHHH

Is Tom Felton the HOTTEST guy on earth or not?

And you can so totally hear his hot british accent...

*DROOL*

:0-

I

This is a bad time to be depressed

Feeling extremely depressed.

Like i could kill myself in the bat of an eye right now and nobody would notice. To make it worse, i'd just gotten a 92.5% for a chemistry test. Bloody hell. I NEED to get a 100 percent for god's sake. I completely screw up my practical.

Anyways. Today can be classified as a complete failure. Binged the whole day. NOT GOOD. Plus i've had diarrhea at least 4 times today.

TOO MUCh CALORIES.

I don't want to disappoint N now that i know i seem to her.

I FEEL SO OBESE!!!!

Personally, i've always felt that my creation was mistake, and like how some people ignore their mistakes when they're embarrassed, God's ignoring me. He should not have spared my life last time. I was on life support at three days old. He should 'ave killed me, don't you think?

After all, i'm nothing but a useless piece of filth that's a burden to the world. It would be a better place without me. I hate it when people expect me to tell them all these feelings, to "let it out". And then when i do, they react in a way that makes it SO obvious they think i say these things for the "reverse psychology effect" and for attention.

Guess what? That was never my intention. I say these things because i REALLY feel this way.

Exams= FAT

can you believe it??? I'm sooo soooo FAT ..

I constantly feel so bloody obese

98pounds.98 freaking pounds. At least i didn't go over 100! GOSH! Can you imagine that??.. You know a few months ago, i mentioned this girl, N, who kinda kept staring at my "skinny' arms and yeah, basically kept staring.. and i kept saying was my you know.."competitor" and all... Lately, i've realized that that might NOT be the case. In fact, i seriously think that she sees me kinda the same way i used to see S. Kinda like a role model and all. Firstly, it's because i noticed that she started becoming skinny only after I did, and i because i've started mugging in the morning, before morning assembly, she's started too.(And seriously, like i sat alone studying, she stopped sitting with her friends too and started studying alone) And a few other things too. But that's Ok i guess.. i've never hated her. And i have to admit i kinda did the same thing with S.

I've decided i don't feel sad at all that S is cured. I've decided i'm gonna be FULLY happy for her:)

Major progress (S)

1: Mathematics-Failed it really badly for 3 and3/4 years, I've gotten around 80% for the last 5 or more mock tests and exams, ( id do at least 2 or 3 a week)

2: Geog- Failed it 1 and 1/2 years -yes every single test. I got 60% for the last test.

3: Biology- Been getting a low A grade or a high B for the last 2 years- i got a high A grade- 78% today:) (and a 95% for the last multiple choice test)

4: chemistry: Doing increasingly better, for the last multiple choice, i managed to get 95%

I love progress! But when i told my dad the results he got kinda scared i was pushing myself way too hard- but I DON'T CARE. Guess i just have to work twice as hard to get EVEN BETTER grades these last 3 weeks:)