The other day my friend commented "Sarah is extremely thin", but surprisingly I did not feel anything I expected to like joy or elation like I would have 2 years ago. I felt this twinge of curiosity. Like a "Really?" I couldn't believe it.
Then they started talking about thinness, the table of girls and the thing is, in my previous school eating disorders, especially anorexia, was really prevalent. The same girl started talking about that. "The other time I was sitting at the bus stop just outside xxxx school, I saw this girl in a black jacket who was seriously stick thin, I kid you not. I was like OH MY GOODNESS that girl is like soooooo thin!!!!" And at that time everyone at the table was eating lunch except for me and so she triumphantly concluded "Therefore, everyone at xxxx school is anorexic!" (My school is an all-girls school)
lkjuimhyggasdfghjjkkl. Did she consider the girl's feelings or reasons, did she think the girl did not know how ugly she was being that thin?
How dare she. I think I might even know who "the girl in the black jacket" was. One of my friends. In my new school, it seems to me, everyone simply eats to their hearts' content. Sometimes I wonder if they gorge themselves, but seriously, I don't care. But they do. Eat sausages three days in a row and expect a big reaction. Bring an apple to school and it's "Are you trying to do the an-apple-a-day-keeps-the-doctor-away thing?????" Eat cereal and "You never eat normal food!"
We're gonna part ways soon, junior college in my country only lasts 2 years, and yes i'm gonna miss them but definitely NOT gonna miss this aspect of it. I am so sick of it. The way others eat is none of anybody's business.
I am gonna meet this guy I came to know through tumblr. I am meeting him at this church. It's really awkward cuz once you know my blogger or tumblr, you'll know me inside out. And he's only just got to know me..... and he knows me better than 99% of the people in my life do?!!!?? O_O
His tumblr (I might edit this out in the future)-- l0velikejesus
Mine: empty-nothingness
Okay so i've been studying really hard for really long so I haven't gotten into the writing mood in forever. But last night I did!!!! It came upon me all of a sudden so I sat down, as usual, and wrote it out. I shared it on tumblr, and i'm gonna share it here as well.
So i’m thinking about beauty. How do you define it? Or more importantly, who has the right to define it? I believe the people who are best at identifying it are those who’ve had an ugly past, and have left that past behind them. These people will have walls around their hearts, but as the heart and soul heal, the walls start to go down. The ability to trust once again starts to take tentative gulps of air, sweet, sweet air, air it hasn’t had in a long time. These people may withdraw into themselves again from time to time, or ruin relationships with the lack of trust or all-consuming insecurities. People leave; the past may come back at 3am in the night as they sit on the windowsill, dwelling in the melancholy the night knows so well. That they know so well. But there are those- those who do get better. There are quite a lot of them. They acknowledge the past, they embrace it as a part of them, an unavoidable fact they will never escape and despite this, they move on. They allow the special few into their lives, maybe the new ones they meet, maybe those who helped them heal, who taught them to live, love, laugh and trust again. They allow them to peek into their soul despite the brokenness, the pain, possibly the lurking darkness, and also the hope that lives there. They know that there is the risk, there is the possibility of heartache that lurks around every corner. And yet they allow their souls to be seen and loved again for what it is. And yet they allow themselves to be vulnerable once more.
These are the beautiful people.
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