How to express this....
Anyway, in simple terms, I met God inside and out of me last night.
... o.o hope that didn't sound weird... I don't really know how to say it.
Anyway, my body has been FUCKING rebellious. Eating. Or more like forcing me to eat or threatening blackout and hence exposure. I mean come on I'm already more than 100 and it has already decided to enter the "blackout stage". What a bitch, and now, I'm in the midst of coming up with ways of mastering the damn thing.
Ate white carbs today, the first time in like... months.. Damn..
Now where to generate this control from.
Was reading my diary. The entries I wrote when I weighed 38-40 Kgs.
Sigh. Telling myself "just lose 7kgs first, then everything will be ok, everything will be better"
Need to control, master, tame this body.
My sis came through the door, talking about this cat; scrawny noisy and lost in the condo's basement. I went to try and feed it. It REFUSED to eat even when I shoved the food in front of it's face (A lesson for me to learn there eh:)). It kept rubbing itself against me and purring non-stop when I rubbed it's body... suddenly it turned it's head in slow motion, then opening its mouth in what seemed like a yawn, it SANK ITS FANGS INTO MY ARM AND ATTEMPTED TO PULL OFF A CHUNK OF ME. So now there's 2 long, pretty deep cuts where it pulled, and 2 vampire-like puncture marks from it's bottom "fangs"... Interesting, and I can't find any antiseptic in my house. Oh... well.
I really feel like using a saw and sawing off ALL the fats off my body. GEESH, one of my friends who is dieting swims like 20 laps every morning. I can't swim cuz I cut :( Should be a good change from running.
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