Fucking BITCH

check out this shit:



yeah go watch the rest..if you haven't already

Dear Ana,
i know full well that you are a vicious bitch who clings on to victims and suck their soul and happiness until their life itself.
just one thing.
LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE.

Hanging in the balance

Well.. i feel almost normal.. so normal that i am almost ready to close the door of ED in my head and move on like it never happened, a blotch in my history. But i can also feel this HUGE FAT doorstopper in the way of the door, preventing it from closing There is a something else trying to close it, get around the doorstopper. and also, the door seems to be trembling with anticipation, ready to fling itself wide open, the very split second that something else gives just a little.

I'm so confused. there's a raging, deafening, but also invisible and silent battle inside my own head. i can't even cry, screaming out don't feel right. i don't know what to do. so i just try and move on with life, all the time feeling extremely confused.

i had about 1200 calories today. i lost about 400 or 500 from 1hour of kick scootering fast, and on bumpy road. i love love love kick scootering, and elliptical. can you believe it, the gym in my condominium does Not have an elliptical. like wtf?!!

i'm going running tomorrow. yeah. and i don;t think there'll be studying tonight. nope. nada. i made the decided mistake of reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and i know i CANNOT stop once i start Harry Potter, will be right back after this.

i love this snack.. "0% fat, less than 1% added sugar, Lite" yoghurt with granola sprinkled on the top. i'm not sure how many calories in it..

lol, my mom's on a diet too. well not exactly an an Official Diet, but you know what i mean..kay, so here's how she is:

Running almost everyday.. almost everyday about 4 to 15(sometimes) km- it takes her 28mins to run 5km.. so it depends on how much time she has

Very little junk food, candy etc, although she allows a little indulgence once in a while,

a lot of fish and veg, cooked healthily

.. really lucky that my mom's like that, seeing as my dad is fuckin obese and refuses to exercise and all.

I LOVE HARRY POTTER!

kay gonna post this and read all your blogs then back to Harry Potter!!

ps:hope i remember to bathe, not like the last time

Avada Kedavra

Adios!

help me

i want to be thin

i want strength

i want control

why can't i just be normal,

able to eat and not binge?

why can't i have the ability

like so many people do

they eat without a care in the world

laugh

because they have that special ability

i want it to

or maybe i won't ever have it

the ability to love myself for who i am

to look in the mirror and think

"hey, i see a pretty girl looking back and i love her

she might be a bit plump, but i don't care

i still think she is beautiful!!"

why not??????

why not?

why not?

why not?

i want that.

ain't that why we started

to find the ability to love ourselves?

the reason why we refuse to stop?

but the deeper we go,

the further we are from realizing that dream.

the smaller the scale says we are, 

the more we dont believe it

using our laser vision

zooming in on microscopic flaws in the mirror

why?

i don't want to do this anymore mans

so why do i keep going?

i'm not ready to stop.

yet.

why?

i am scared

we start off in the search of control

but end up losing it.

we start of in the search of beauty

we end up seeming uglier and uglier

to those who are wannarexics: ana is NOT the cure

don't do this

it is so difficult to stop

 i have a suggestion.. why not go love yourself instead?

My Diet Plan

Monday, Wednesday and Friday: no recess

Tuesday and Thursday: under 200 cals for recess:

(options: granola cereal/ bar, one slice of bread, fruit)

NO LUNCH ALLOWED ON WEEKDAYS

weekday dinners:(limit: 300)

0-10% cabo

20%protein

70% fibre

weekend lunches: (limit: 500)

10% cabo

40% protein

50% fibre

weekend dinners:(limit: 400)

20% cabo

30% protein

50%fibre

Running on monday, Friday and Saturday

extras: loads and loads of water, as usual

     cut down on diet soda