CW: 43.7KG.
Still can't get used to the boys. In the first lecture today, i closed my eyes and pretended to myself it was all girls. I opened it after a really short while, lest the teacher thought i was asleep.
I found the blade i hid last night. I gripped it, tilting it this way and that, and everything seemed clear. All the anxiousness and insecurity and self-hatred would be gone, at least for a few hours, if i just sank it into myself. The line of tiny red beads would solve everything.
I smsed my friend about it... her reply:
"Why? You can't just give up like that. Understand that you've gone through A LOT especially with all you've told me but that shows how strong you've been persevering on so you can do it, don't give in... we all care and that's the last thing we want you to do to yourself- hurting yourself, because don't forget- when you hurt yourself, you're hurting us too"
"The kind words went to my heart like a dagger"- Jane Eyre
I think the reason i tell my closest friends is because deep down i want to be stopped, i just need to know that people care, as egotistical as it sounds.
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