Starving.
Good. Let's leave it like this.
Mastering the art of not looking at mirrors too long-just enough for the necessary. Also the art of appreciating photos that have me in it-without actually looking at me. That way i can allow my friends take photos with me, while avoiding the whole "fuck my face is like complete shit" moment. Although 90% of the time i don't even visit the "photos" page on my facebook wall.
Too bad they just can't grasp the concept of how much i hate myself. How much my face, my smile disgusts me. Makes me feel like flinging something at the mirror/ computer screen.
I can say that i have NEVER LOVED MYSELF. Huh. Maybe i shouldave known from very early this path was already waiting for me.
Every time i look at thinspo, the only "thin" pics are the ones that are skinnier than me. Guess i should be glad i'm skinny as some of them-but no. Once i'm as skinny as a girl in a picture, i don't consider that girl skinny anymore. Just my way of pushing myself i guess.
Goal weight by february: 92 lbs.
Should be enough time.
Terrified of results on monday, more terrified than i will ever let the people around me see.
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