Healthy is working!

I've been eating "healthily" for the past couple of days., though i'm not too sure if it's REALLY "healthy". I've stopped counting calories, but it seems like i'm actually eating quite little and i've almost completely cut out sugar-filled carbs. Also, my main food is vegetables like raw celery and stuff but, anyways, it's working. I've coupled this new diet thing with workouts and my "CHUBBY" face is flattening out and so are my abs. I'm really quite scared not counting calories and eating what seems to me like always too much and I some how always waking up starved and go to bed relatively hungry. I don't know how to eat healthily. I really don't know. I strongly prefer starving. Really. But as long as it's working ( in the mirror), i'll stick to it. Another thing- I REALLY DON'T DARE TO WEIGH MYSELF. If i've gained.... I don;t think i'll be able to stop myself from going straight back to like 500 calories a day or something. :S

I haven't been doing any cardio at all for the past few days cuz of a bad flu. :( I can't wait to get well. I can barely resist the scales. Doing cardio will definitely make me feel much safer and more willing to stay away from it.

Gosh, healthy works, but I don't quite trust it. Nor do I really know how it works. Like, when I eat, is it because I need to or want to? And is it ok to want to? I mean, isn't that pure greed?! Or HUNGER. Healthy Eating says "Eat till 80% full". What is 80% full? To be honest, on bad days, even 50% makes me feel so absolutely disgusted with myself. And are you sure about the 1200/1350 calories a day thing? I mean yeah, you say pair it with exercise 3-5 times a week... but the calories seem WAY too much to me and the exercise seems too little to me. I'm used to running hundreds of laps up and down the living room non-stop at the crack of dawn everyday. And I don't really fancy thin/slim/toned/lean.... what i've always wanted has been emanciated.

Snacks are the worst. Healthy Eating actually says it's ok to eat a bowl of cereal for a snack! What about the calories?! Isn't that fattening carbs?!

Fuck, this shit is TERRIFYING.