1.00 AM

Yup. It's 1.00 AM and I have school tomorrow and I'm up watching all the Clay Aiken AI videos and blogging.

Fail DIET day. Wtfffff is wrong with me?!

So the thing is that one of my closest friends says she can't take the super difficult college subjects. And ever since 2 years ago, she has been like, my benchmark. In my head, she's the Genius who's soooo good at everything and I'm the idiot desperately trying to catch up. Hence my good results. Now my Genius is gone... and if she can't do it, where does that leave me?!! I know I shouldn't feel and think this way, but lately I've been forced to have a completely different life and I keep losing pieces of my life :( I feel like talking to one of my OTHER close friends...anyone, but I haven't talked to them in sooo long I feel kinda shy-ish. :((((

I WILL DO IT I WILL DO IT.

Whenever I mention this thing to her (The Genius, in my head), she keeps telling me that she's not better than me, in many things I'm better than her, and that she believes in me.

I don't know what to think.

Will post one of my favorite picture-quote thingies later.

I am so lonely and bored. I've gone on for SO long without being physically around anyone I am emotionally close to. AKA my friends. Close friends. I feel so distant from my new college friends. I'm not even sure whether I'm faking all this happiness (if you would call it happiness) and all this.... well whatever positive stuff I'm projecting. I think I'm faking it.

I'm not in the soccer tournament thing. Because I fell on my tailbone a few weeks ago and like. I really don't dare to ask my parents to bring me to the doctor cos like they're like so fucking broke. I'm paying for almost everything now -school notes, books etc so EVEN I don't have money to bring myself to the doctor. So... yup. Still injured, therefore not in the school team for the upcoming tournament.

I hate my life. It's like my life decided to go on the downward-spiral-into-nothingness ride ever since I entered into this fucking school.

Th question people always ask me

:"How's life?"

(Fuck my life. How is it? I SUCKS. I swear. I miss my friends like shitttt. And I hate this school. My grades are like 5 points better than my college, and I DON't belong here. All my studying wasted. I haven't spoken to so many of my close friends in like FOREVER. I am NOT getting used to my new school. I DO NOT like being in a mixed-gender school. At all. I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE)

"Er... ok... i guess"

Ok... I'm getting pretty agitated.

I think imma go sleep now:)