Swallowed 11 laxatives, but they only took effect (very effectively, I have to say) about 9 hours later. Like, srsly, after my promotional exams I needa go to the doctor and fake my way to strong ones. Ones that work in a jiffy.
I hate myself. 2 nights ago I cut myself. It was so bad, when I tried to sleep later that night, I could see the bloody images in my head. Like a murder scene or horror film, it was nearly impossible to force my eyes to open, and I couldn't be bothered trying, saw the images till I drifted off into dreamland. I feel so fat. I need to eat 11 more laxatives. If I continue this way, i'll finish the box in less than 6 days, there are only 60 pills. Or I could find some ultra sneaky way to find out how my sister purges- she's bulimic- and try to learn.
I want to completely stop eating- not a single calorie- till I reach 35 KG. I'm so fat, I cannot take this.
I'm gonna force myself to exercise every fucking day after my examinations. I need to lose AT LEAST 5lbs. I am sososososososofat, I deserve the torture. Of starvation, of everything.
I have the ability to stop liking someone- that's how hardened I am, am i'm contemplating doing that right now.
I want to die. I feel so fat and hopeless. I want to die.
I'm so sorry you're feeling terrible. Never forget we care about you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get to feeling less depressed. Maybe you should try exercising when you feel like this and see if it helps you feel better? Even if you don't feel better, at least you did something that will help you work towards your goals.
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