current state of mind

I'm feeling sooo happy and at the same time sooo confused.. because i didn't mean to feel happy. i can't control these emotions. i need control. Why can't i ever control anything?!! no wonder i'm so darn fat! and my triceps grew even bigger. yuck.

time: 2:03pm

intake so far:125

i wanted to eat just now. but the voices in my head were screaming: "Don't eat, you IDIOT!! weren't you just "admiring" your triceps in the mirror this morning!!"

and every time i reached out for the food, it screeched at me: "THE FATS, THE FATS!!! THE FATS!! REMEMBER THE FATS!!! YOU CAN EAT WHEN THEY'RE ALL GONE!! DON'T EAT YET!!!" and they guided my fingers to the triceps. feel the flab!!

i was like, Ok, Ok!!! but you're right! i don't want the FATS either!! ew!! i hate fats!! gelatinous, ugly lumps of wobbly matter. ewwwwww.

that reminds me, i made up a new tip, although i haven't tried it.

if i wanna eat, look at a picture of fat triceps and a picture of skinny triceps, then make my decision which path i wanna take.

I was asking God today "i don't mean to be rude or insult you or anything, but seriously, what is with all this female fat? why, oh why did you give us women so much fat?? i know our original purpose is to bear children and everything, but i really don't think you need to give us this much."

i think he probably didn't predict the future with millions of anorexic females..( no offense!)

i hate being a female for this reason, and the periods.

i did half of the holiday project, then i decided to tell her to do the other half today. sigh.. after all, she could always accuse me of not telling her..

i am now terrified of: eclairs

yoghurt milk

white rice

mac donalds maple syrup

regular soda