MY BMI IS 20.46.
I HAVE A PROMISE TO MAKE TO EVERYONE IN THE ANA WORLD
I WILL BE 6 STONE, 84 POUNDS NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.
I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT.
NO MORE FATS.
NO MORE BINGEING.
NO MORE SELF HATRED FOR DAYS COS I ATE THAT DAMN (INSERT)
JUST DONT EAT IT.
i promise myself to be thin again. i will lose 2kg by next thursday. or i deserve ten more nicks and cuts. i already gave myself 8.
i cycled and ran and lost +-300cals.
i ate 1/4 box of worm-infested rasins.
and cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut. on my cellulite of course.
i made up my mind. every 1 kg gained=6cuts.
i hate myself.
so bad.
i would rather die than be more than 90pounds, i really would.
i think if i died my family and friends wouldn't even notice.
i don't even think they care about me at all.
to me, my family is there for show.
my friends are my friends cos they are in the same class and have to be for the sake of group work etc
i honestly don't think anyone even truly loves me.
how can anyone love me,
if i myself hate myself so bad?
maybe, just maybe,
i might even come close to accepting that blubbery freak in the mirror if i am 6 stone.
i hope i can.
what will it take?
70 pounds?
i think i might be quite happy then.
this means i need to lose 30 pounds.
why not?
loads of people have done it before.
fuck.
i hate myself.
pig. pig pig.
i ought to be in hell burning to death
for committing the deadly sin
GLUTTONY
i hate myself.
why can't my BMI be 16.4.
i've always thought that was a beautiful number(16.4 16.4 16.4)
mmmm...yea.. beautiful alright.
i hate being fat.
so why do i still stuff my face
because i am hopeless, a failure
but not anymore
i WILL gain back the control i once had.
i see myself as:
very ugly
very fat
very worthless (of love, food and air)
very hopeless
very greedy
i will be:
in control
thin
thin
thin
in control
fuck.
lesson of the day: NEVER do anything you will regret.
REMEMBER THAT.
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