I wish this was easier

I hate it that I'm so fat.

i hate it that i have no self control, that i keep bingeing

i hate it that i put on fat so easily 

i hate how quickly the weight piles on.

i hate my fat triceps.

i hate flabbiness 

i hate it that people think I'm better.

i only weigh more.

but most of all i hate it that i care so damn much

i hate it that every single calorie matters.

i hate that i get so high when i've lost a pound

that i despair so much when i've gained one.

i hate it that i have to care

i wish i knew how not to care

to eat ice cream and chips without a care in the world 

i wish i didn't have to care

about every calorie 

every pound

i wish  everyday did not revolve around planning diets

coming up with new strategies to lose weight

i wish all this was easier.