iHEARTPaulMCCartney!!

i love this song SO much!!

right now at this point of time, y struggle with my eating disorder is so confusing i cannot put it in words. i wish nobody in this world had to go through this.

would you rather:

1) have an eating disorder that's eating you from the inside, taking your happiness away, confusing the fuck outta you. You binge, starve, binge, starve. you love food.you hate food. a place where the only thing that comes easier than losing weight is gaining weight

OR

2)be normal, where you can eat all you want but not binge, where the number on the scale don't bother you one bit.. but of course this comes with fatness in some form..

my choice: I DONT KNOW

1)Be really skinny with your body in the store fat mode

OR

2)be not that skinny but with a really high metabolism

my choice:1

if you are seeing an oncoming truck going to hit your very very close friend in a sec:

1) stand there in horror like everyone would expect you to

OR

2)throw yourself in front of your friend

my choice: i think i can't help doing 1, but i would rather die than live with the pain of losing anyone that close, actually( and not like anyone would miss me)

yeah, i've been thinking about these questions lately

binged today, too afraid to count the calories... might not be able to stop myself from cutting myself this time.

you know something about me?.. i have troubles expressing myself through speech.. as in the "pour you troubles out to a friend thing". and the thing now is that i am EXTREMELY stressed (98 days to my GCSE O levels!!!). so yeah. i'm trying not to get TOO stressed, cos if i reach the point i want to do nothing but cut and screech for no apparent reason, i sniff my permanent markers to stone my brain. and i heard from a friend that doing that does bad to your memory, which is something VERY important for my content subjects.. so. i need to remember to chill before i explode, yeah?